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@ओषधिः %sYugspYZc4G/Uu+qeLZNXVJa9KqxD2xYzC+X9EjjwAU=.sha256

I appreciate the concreteness of this invitation. I could see the name learning jar too.

I made a post a few days ago about how I wanted scuttlebutt to become a tool to empower other communities that wouldn't have the same starting points as the current scuttlebut community, but simultaneously working on what's already here seems important too.

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@Anders %eR84PjHsUuVu2AgQmKjsMru+O4tzr2LwB05RnobN1n8=.sha256

I'm with Zenna on this one. it feels wierd to pay for your sins with $. I wouldn't mind putting in some money each year to a box that can be used to help foster compassion in the community, but I don't think it should be payed out to people directly, it should be payed to maybe have people facilitate group meetings like the fairy rings.

I think the most important part is acknowledging when you have been wrong. I still remember I said something in a not very tone here in public about a ssb-server release that dominic did a very long time ago and that was really shitty to do. I still feel bad about it when I think back to it and I never think I told Dominic I was sorry for what I did. So yeah, more practice of saying sorry. I also think that these open spaces, like SSB is right now, might not be the right medium for these kind of things. This is why I'm very excited about tribes groups or whatever you want to call them. There is such an incredible difference between coding on SSB in "public" and doing it in the SSB grant where you talk to the other people regularly. Having calls, building up empathy etc.

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@ओषधिः %7l86lKEvd/REZZsXyfpOK6EqpJ0cy59YhFtBzkx0xwA=.sha256

discovered The Consentful Tech Zine, which serendipitously contained a passage relevant to this discussion:

Screen Shot 2021-02-14 at 4.32.53 PM.png

@ओषधिः %Kbg0BgOTL6UI7y5ap3maPUF5gz01ZA3b3BWONAOf/hg=.sha256

the douchebag jar idea also reminded me of two posts I saved about apologies and accountability.

could be something to check out for anyone wondering why apologizing doesn't always feel like enough,
and why public apologies often feel like PR from @mia.mingus from @selflove.tribute

a couple quotes:

"'sorry' without concrete change is nothing but emotional manipulation"

"Within the world of transformative justice, accountability is the ecosystem in which apologizing lives. True accountability, by its very nature, should push us to grow and change, to transform.

Accountability is generative, not punitive. If you want punishment, you should be upfront and transparent about that. Do not ask for accountability, when what you really want is punishment or revenge... We need to move away from 'holding people accountable' and instead work to support people to proactively take accountability for themselves."

if the douchebag jar is something which you are choosing to donate towards in order to hold yourself accountable, then hopefully it is something generative and not punitive

not really adding any new ideas here, just sharing some resonant voices

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@ओषधिः %0Lpd4buRKcHyO2dwJnWSezvduzd7X3f/hfWstx6/vRU=.sha256

one other idea to add to the mix:

maybe something like "The Repair Library",
a library of tools and resources for community accountability and repair, including,

  • The Douchebag Jar, when you are ready to repair with more than just words

  • A Guide To Apologizing Without Centering Yourself

  • Community Therapy Fund

  • A Group Of People Who Offer To Provide Support In Resolving Conflicts Or Talking Through Things (like a sort of community awareness team, commonly seen at festivals and actions)

... thinking along the lines that if someone wants to give to the Douchebag Jar, perhaps this feels like something they should be choosing themselves to give to. If they are being forced into it then maybe thats not its true intention. So directing someone to The Repair Library where The Douchebag Jar is an option among multiple might feel more accessible, then suggesting someone directly to the Douchebag Jar, which I also feel would be hard for me to say to another person (admittedly, I also am hesitant towards confrontation) ... but maybe this thing I'm describing is also excessively complicated ... even without any of this, I would say by @MNIN making the post, in a sense, the douchebag jar already exists, and anyone could reference it or give to it when something happens and they feel it would be helpful

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@ओषधिः %acRn4opiZcBm+fsHB3s/yIhBa5OXuvt0KylwLMs4s4E=.sha256

I started a thread for the #repair-library here,
I think I am the only one who can edit the event, but all please let me know anything you'd like to change or add, or continue the thread in the replies

I want to reiterate that those who are afforded comfortability, apolitical-ness and ‘peaceful’ under the guise of bypassing, usually have the privileges of what they don’t have to experience or understand, and privileges of being protected either by class or dominant cultural/social/racial dynamics in their spaces they exist in, and thus can remain naive or unaware, and privileges of benefiting from said apathy/naivety/unconsciousness.

also I resonate with this a lot (and other comments), both in germany and my own experience

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