I get that I'm not around as much and I've been quite happy to let many decisions be made without me this run. The reason I'm frustrated is this is one that I really made a point several times of having an interest in and wanting my view to be taken into account, and I felt overlooked when it came to making that decision.

The distribution of time spent is an issue here. Spreading out 3 days a week over 7 (likely more than 3 in reality), rather than 2 days over (definitely more than 2 in reality), means yes I'm around less, but the input I have isn't that significantly less. This is something we should be wary of if we end up getting more funding and grow the team and have more different modes of working, we'll have to find common space and watch out for power imbalances. So going through this conversation is a positive. I don't agree that time spent and power should be in a linear relation. That's one of the drains I've seen in activist groups that causes them to be hierarchical despite wanting to be horizontal. Practically, I see how it emerges. Thats why process is important.

I'm not touching the idealistic thing. The default / walkaway analogy I used in the past was a bit of fun. They're different modes of working. Neither is perfect. But one is for sure more engaging and affirming than the other. You can guess which.

The irony here is for parents in default work, the opposite is usually the case, i.e. they get overlooked due to 'not being around enough' or 'being at home looking after the kids' and are systematically disempowered.

Dan said to me yesterday, and I might be being a bit reductive here, that conflict isn't a bad thing. While I don't entirely agree (i.e. we could all do without it), when it does happen, its a good opportunity for understanding, growth and change. So in that sense, when its well managed, it is good.

@mix re: personal stuff, lets talk in private, and don't feel like you have to prioritise it over getting work-related stuff done. I'll do the same. I've expressed I felt unheard. Now I feel like my point has been received and we can move forward from there. But I will say again, I do think we should have a sync chat soon.