@dinosaur you have great party skills. Do you have any advice for how to party well?

@rich um, sure i can give it a hoon!

so i like being in and amongst a crowd of humyns, i like the shared mass of energy, i think this is why i like to party.

when i got into partying, i was too anxious / shy to directly interact with other people at the party. so i took up dancing, because it was the socially acceptable way to be anti-social and ignore everybody. i got okay at dancing, too good at ignoring everyone, and practiced interacting with the total party energy. i still barely know how to directly interact with humyns at a party, i still find it overwhelming, but i'm learning.

as @dominic mentions in his "How To Party" post, a party is about having a good time. i like to have a good time playing with the party energy, to feed on the nearby party energy, to extrude party energy to nearby humyns.

for me with dancing, this means moving your body to the beat, moving in ways that feel good to you, letting go of your mind, matching the rhythms of the music with the rhythms of your body, giving zero fucks, and being a silly creature. beyond the standard boots and cats, one of my favorite dance moves is to spin, and recently i've discovered even more ways to move my body, such as crawling on the ground, climbing things, rolling around, acting like an animal, moving in any way you haven't tried before, generally just letting go more and more. and i'm starting to make sense of how to interact with others on a dance floor, giving and receiving friendly safe reassuring eye contact, mirroring their moves and being mirrored by them, moving closer and further, spinning from side to side, leading and following, and last weekend i stumbled into a wee play of contact improv.

on another note, lately i've been thinking about recognition. one of my favorite experiences at a party is when someone makes eye contact and says "hello", it feels so great to be welcomed by someone, to feel like you belong. and one of my least favorite experiences is when you see someone you know and you miss catching their eye, you never say hello, you never get that flash of connection to know if everything is okay. i'd like to improve in how i make it easier for others to share recognition with me, i know i'm not the only one with social anxiety, i know we generally all try our best.

moving back to my usual party expressions, i really like snugs. i really like physical contact with humyns i'm with, i love giving massages while i listen to someone talk about their feelings, i get so much comfort from squeezing someone's body. i have an active mind but it's quite slow to come up with any sense, so i prefer to touch and listen, sharing my feelings as they arise, sharing stories as the time calls. i think to snug well is to host a comfortable safe space, where people can be themselves amongst the puddle, where your touch responds to their feelings.

something i learned from you @rich over the weekend at nowhere was how to start an adventure. since i've made the mistake of comparing myself to others, i thought i wasn't good at adventures, i don't really like being mischievous, i tried and failed at every on-the-spot improv situation with the #cult-of-desmond. but then you offered a simple adventure, let's build a dam in the river. it was so silly, so slow, so cooperative, so spacious, so welcoming, oh so perfect, i had so much fun. and if i look at adventures with that lense, i've already been doing these types of adventures with Desmond, i know i can do these slow adventures, i'm keen to host more.

on the day after the dam, after @matt and i played with synths and voices by the river using Matt's new off-grid sound system, we sat on the hill and tried to play again. we tried, then somebody came up to us and asked us about the synths, and we lost the groove. we went down a rabbit hole, we lost all hope, everything was broken, nothing made sense, we'd have to start over. wait, maybe there was another way, then somebody else came up to us, someone who had the party energy alive in them, someone who knew how to share the party energy. soon enough, they bring a child to join us, i give the child the mic, they say "i don't know what to say". so i loop (manually with my voice since i don't have an off-grid looper yet) "i don't know what to say" with the voice processor. a smile, the party is starting, Matt continues laying down the beats. next up, a bunch more children join us on the hill, i give them the mic again, they call for the smallest child down the hill, who gets up and tries their voice, smiling when it's unlike their usual voice. the party energy is growing, the beats still being made. then a parent starts dancing at the bottom, slowly making their way up the hill, being silly with every step. everyone smiles, the party bursts with energy, all the parents are dancing on the hill, all the children are playing with the microphone, Matt holding down the beats, everyone gives up everything to that hill, we lose ourselves to the party.

what is the difference from the two humyns on the hill, each excited about the synths, one who gets us down and one who brings us up? maybe there was nothing different between them, maybe everyone was in the eb and flow of our moods, but i have a suspicion there was something different about them, what energy they brought to the party, what energy they consumed from the party, what space they held, what awareness they had, how they invited others, how they got amongst. as you say Rich, partying is a skill.

also, as @matt brought up at Nowhere, parties are somewhat risky, there's nothing worse than having a bad time at a party, when it seems like everyone else is having a great time and you're not, the party is mocking you. another skill in partying well is to notice when a bad time is coming on and being prepared to take care of yourself. for me, when i'm having a bad time, which is usually expressed as getting stuck in a mind loop and feeling anxious and alone, i find a friend who i can squeeze in silence.

the final comment in this stream of consciousness is about hosting parties. last year for Kiwiburn i was given the opportunity to be a "greeter", the humyn who welcomes you onto the paddock when you arrive, who opens the space for you to enter. while i love being with humyns, i usually over-think the interactions and so get anxious. but as a greeter, i had a protocol to follow, a pattern for interaction, a flow to follow so i didn't have to second-guess what i was doing. a car arrives, i ask them "hey, welcome! do you want a hug?", usually the answer is yes and i give them a big hug, i love sharing hugs! then i get to be silly, "we have this portal which will take you into Kiwiburn, go over on that side and come through, we'll see you again on the other side", then they go through the portal, really a tent with some fabric hanging inside and some instruments we can play while they go through, then "yay you made it, welcome to Kiwiburn, welcome home!" and so on... introducing the cultural concepts, consent by asking for a hug, playfulness with the portal, the burn as your home, etc. after this experience, i noticed this might be why i like hosting #art~hack every week, i wanted a space to be creative with other humyns, i found the existing spaces to be too overwhelming and not enjoyable, so i made my own space where i get to be the one who welcomes everyone in and holds the vibe, i like creating and sharing good spaces.

#crab-meet

I used to go surfing with a colleague of mine when I was a high school teacher. He was more experienced and I learnt a lot from him. One time I asked him how he finds motivation to get into the sea when it's a bit gnarly or cold. Derek said :

You gotta get psyched, getting psyched takes practices, but the more your get psyched, the easier it is to get psyched

I've been thinking about this a bit recently, and it feels connected to the skill of partying, or watching and nurturing your energy.

the party bursts with energy, all the parents are dancing on the hill, all the children are playing with the microphone, Matt holding down the beats, everyone gives up everything to that hill, we lose ourselves to the party.